


5,000 Ways to Die in the Caribbean

by txorakeriak



Category: Pirates of the Caribbean (Movies), Princess Bride (1987)
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-02-23
Updated: 2006-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:27:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27592045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/txorakeriak/pseuds/txorakeriak
Summary: There must be 5,000 ways to die, but in the end, there is only one that really matters.
Relationships: Inigo Montoya/Jack Sparrow, Jack Sparrow/Dread Pirate Roberts
Kudos: 3





	5,000 Ways to Die in the Caribbean

Jack had heard about this Dread Pirate fellow before, many times. A buccaneer and blackguard he was said to be, ruthless and unforgiving, never leaving any survivors; quite a bit like Barbossa and his undead crew, except that Jack knew them and their plans and had been a part of their bloody history. 

The Dread Pirate Roberts was a much greater mystery, especially because the stories about him weren't only fantastic and wild - that was nothing new when it came to the many tales that surrounded an infamous pirate captain - but they also varied so greatly that a rational mind would doubt they all described one single character. Not that Captain Sparrow was bothered by that, of course.

Some self-appointed eyewitnesses reported him to be a strongly-built, dark-haired man with a thick beard and a valuable brocade-covered red coat on his shoulders; others said he was tall and slender with blond hair and all dressed in black. Some described him as voluminous with an Irish accent and shining red hair, some swore that he was a mulatto with a huge cloak and a feathered felt hat. And then there were those who said the Dread Pirate Roberts was in fact a woman with a face so hideous that people dropped dead at the mere sight of her. Oh, there was quite a range.

In any case, Jack would have never guessed the lanky - and damn attractive - fellow with the black ponytail and the obvious Spanish accent to be the mysterious Dread Pirate Roberts - and not only because it seemed impossible for this man to have been in the business for over twenty years already. 

"Hallo. I am the Dread Pirate Roberts. You crossed my way. Prepare to die," the man said again, a bit louder this time and quite impatiently, and only then Jack noticed that he had been staring at him with an open mouth for several minutes now. Why this most bloodthirsty and merciless of pirates didn't just take advantage of his opponent's astonishment and attack was completely and entirely beyond him.

"Hallo. I am the Dread Pirate Roberts. You--", the man started a third time, but this time, Jack interrupted him.

"Listen, mate," he said, flashing the Spaniard his most persuasive grin, "I hate to put a black mark on your record considering that killing thing, and I know that you have a reputation to preserve, but so do I. The world can't spare either of us. However," and here raised his hand and waved his finger in the other man's direction as if to illustrate a point, "if you insist on killing me, have it done with, but don't forget that there must be about 5,000 ways to die."

The other man looked fairly confused. It was quite obvious that he hadn't expected Jack to start talking all of a sudden, let alone say those words. He kept silent and just waited. He didn't drop his sword.

"Why don't you accompany me to me cabin an' share a bottle o’rum with me? You'll soon agree that there is only one way to make killing really worthwhile."

"You seem a clever man," said the Dread Pirate Roberts with no little appreciation and nodded. "I accept."

"And you have a gorgeous backside, luv," Jack murmured rather to himself than to the other man as he guided him to his cabin. "A shame to let it go to waste."

***

Quite unsurprisingly, the Dread Pirate Roberts soon agreed to a duel of blades of a different sort. 

To the death, as it were.

And not just once, which was indeed a considerable advantage.


End file.
